---
title: "Twelve Years as a Digital Hermit"
description: "Why I left Social Media a Over a Decade Ago, and Why I Now Return"
taxonomies:
   tags:
      - ramblings
      - propaganda
      - philosophy
author: "Tim D"
authorGithub: "nrdxp"
authorImage: "https://avatars.githubusercontent.com/u/34083928?v=4"
authorTwitter: "nrdexp"
date: "2024-10-11"
category: "personal"
extra:
  read_time: true
  repo_view: true
---

**Reader Advisory:** This post is sarcastic, and a bit raw. Those without a sense of humor, or an aversion to hard facts, venture no further. Also, these opinions are my own; subject to change, etc, etc.

*(not that I should have to say any of that to grown adults, imho, but alas...)*

## My Life the Contradiction

It has been confusing, even for me at times, to live my life being fascinated with computer technology from a very early age, yet having nothing to do with major social media platforms since around 2012 - even as the rest of the world became utterly infatuated with it, apparently seeing it as some great technical marvel (lol).

From being an obsessive gamer as a child, breaking games with my GameShark, to studying topics no 10-year-old has any business studying (denotational semantics, anyone?), to building my own machines and making stupid little HTML websites, hacking MySpace and feeling proud, and just generally being the neighborhood's goto free IT support (when people still spoke with their neighbors).

Then there was trying to teach myself C++ at 13, which I gave up, for reasons that should be obvious to those still clutching to some sanity. Later, due to less than favorable economic conditions and a mountain of responsibility in my early adulthood, having children at a young age, I lost hope that I might ever do anything professionally with technology, working whatever job I could find, for whatever wage they would pay. My personal favorite was digging through folks' garbage for the purpose of "recycling".

Still, I couldn't resist tinkering, breaking, modding, ripping, hosting, or hacking anything within reach during whatever free time I had. Before Spotify made such efforts redundant, I had built quite a respectable music library. Don't arrest me for using torrents - I know, I know. I couldn't afford to pay for all that music, though I did try to actually purchase albums when I could.

I remain forever indebted to countless artists in that collection for keeping my hopes alive through those trying and difficult years, dim as they were. I still hope someday I can do something cool to pay them back (music blockchain, anyone?). And let's not forget about the endless - and I mean ENDLESS - Android ROM hacks in the early days. Good times...

In retrospect, I suppose it was only natural that I would eventually build up enough hands-on experience to do this professionally, but that wasn't really my interest. I was enthralled - and in many ways still am - with the machine itself and what it made possible. How we managed to create these things in the first place remains a great mystery to me. No matter how much I learn, there's always more to know. It's the dream life of that never-ending 10-year-old uber-nerd still living inside me.

This passion is even expressed through my handle, nrdxp. I'm always looking to gain more experience, to reach the next level, to build something awesome and useful. I think there were a lot of kids like me in the 90s, but I don't think all of them made it this far, and for that miracle alone, I'll always be grateful. That said, there's still a long way to go - growing up poor and starting a career late (with 3 children to boot) has severe and long-lasting consequences.

For one thing, I don't own a home. I've never lived in a home owned by anyone in my family. In that sense, I guess I've always felt a bit "homeless." When I first started my professional career, I had some hope that I could save and get one - well, then COVID happened and brought me back to reality real quick. Why mention this? Because as grateful as I am, I want to make it clear that I'm not some oracle from on high. I still have struggles, battles, and demons to overcome - things so laughably and persistently bothersome that they're hardly worth mentioning. I'm not quite certain if I'll ever fully overcome them, but I'll certainly continue trying. What else is there? Complain? Yeah, what good does that do? Gross...

## Not an Innovation; a Virus

Speaking of complaints and societal problems, this leads nicely into my next point - the very reason I stepped away from the digital chaos in the first place.

Why did I abandon all forms of social media in 2012, deleting my Facebook (still dominant at the time), and never turning back? Well, as fascinated as I am with technology, social media is quite honestly just boring to me - but it's worse than that. At first, I had some hope that this new thing could actually help usher in a new era of connectedness (naive, I know - I was young), and I tried to push for it.

I used social media like you're not supposed to, apparently: actually trying to have conversations while maintaining dignity and respect (how stupid), while still pressing people on their quite obviously dogmatic and rigid beliefs. I used to believe that people were just ignorant, that if only they would come to see the light, they would understand. I see a lot of folks still running around like that. All I can say is... good luck.

But from what I've learned now, it isn't true. People like their delusions - they use them as a shield. To some degree, I believe we all do. In that sense, social media has been nothing but a "delusion amplification engine" for society. For the youngsters out there unable to remember a world before the internet, it probably isn't as jarring. They probably think we were all running around hanging each other over our race, where we choose to stick our genitals, and every other trivial difference - and that somehow, the exposure of social media saved us from all that bigotry.

But my experience was quite the opposite. Growing up in a Latino family, I can't remember a single instance - not even one - where race was an issue or was made an issue. It's quite clear to me now, seeing the juxtaposition of that time (ah, the 90s) to ours, that that was the proper way to handle trivial differences: ignore them. They don't matter. Really, seriously, they don't fucking matter. Be a bit more grateful that you're still above ground; you won't always be. Find a reason to appreciate this moment instead of condemning it, or you know, don't - whatever, enjoy your bitterness.

And of course, the government would have you believe they're on your side. They want to end all the "isms" of the world, don't ya know? I'm sure that's why they keep such exacting stats on everything, never shut up about it, and shove it down your throat at every opportunity and on every single form you've ever filled out.

You wanna know my race or ethnicity to "track" progress? Haha, yeah right. Read a history book, buddy - I know better. Of course, it's not just big daddy Gov's fault. Indeed, these large tech firms have become nearly indistinguishable from governments in some ways, trying to enforce all kinds of arbitrary rules for the sake of nothing but ~their own profit~ "the good of the people".

But therein lies something close to the core issue for me: governments and private companies alike are *both* quite incompetent at defining and upholding moral behavior. The former simply has no incentive but to continue growing, even beyond all sense or reason, until everything you do - even taking a breath - is illegal and, more importantly, taxable. The latter will change their so-called "values" on a dime to appease the masses, quite happy to talk down to you from both angles.

And what has social media given us then? Global mob rule; utter stupidity so obvious even children can see it, yet nobody dares address it for fear of facing the mob. Guess what? A mob of rabid idiots on the internet isn't actually that scary anyway. What are they gonna do? Sure, there are the psychos doxxing and swatting and all that nonsense, but psychos have always been around - they're just the canary in the coal mine for a much larger issue - one that strikes at the very heart of our modern delusions.


## No Right to Safety; The New Religion

This leads into what might be my most controversial point, which I'm sure will mark me as universally hated inside the delusion engine, not to mention the new and improved delusion generation engine 2.0 (incorrectly known as AI). You have no right to safety in society - anybody who promises it to you is either lying to take something from you or delusional about their own capacity to keep even themselves safe. That's not to say you have no right to defend yourself - you certainly do. Ironically enough, big daddy GovTech doesn't think you should, because they "know better." Gee, I wonder why?

But I digress - it is reality itself, not law, governments, or companies, which dictates that this world is inherently unsafe. There is no permanent fix. A "perfectly safe" space would be nearly indistinguishable from a prison cell, and even then, a big meteor could ruin your day anytime. Or did you already forget that we're all going to die someday? Maybe you believe we'll be uploaded to the machine instead and live forever, to which I would ask: How is this not religious?

What empirical evidence exists that such a thing is even possible? But this is the new religion - giving up anything and everything, our very thoughts themselves, for the "right" to "blend in," to "be safe," to be on the "right side of history" so we can survive long enough to experience the grand transhuman utopia.

Anybody who has read a history book knows exactly what side modern governments and tech firms are on, and anybody - well-intentioned or not - who feeds into it is a potential danger. Remember The Matrix? I know it's been done to death, but there's still one line in particular that rings even truer today than when it was made: "anyone who has not been unplugged is a potential agent."

If you don't stand up, put on your big boy pants, and say "No thanks, I don't need your advice on how to speak, and certainly not on how to think - lmao, are you serious? The arrogance..." - then it's only a matter of time before you simply go along to get along, and shove anyone down who tries to call you out. This is why it's so crucial to maintain the courage to speak your mind.

The mind, and especially your ability to express your true thoughts earnestly, is like a muscle. If you don't exercise it, it will atrophy fairly quickly, until you can no longer think at all. All you can do is scroll for your daily dose of "what to think."

## The Forgotten Utility of Ridicule

So what's the antidote to this mindless conformity? What weapon do we have against this tide of enforced groupthink? Ridicule is the proper response - the header says it all.

This kind of bullshit morality posturing, colloquially known as "wokeness," is worthy of any and all forms of human ridicule. And no, not just to be mean or vent. Ironically, after mentioning how impossible it is to "be safe" in this world, there are certainly degrees to which one's safety can be practically improved, and ridiculing ridiculous tyrants who would have you kissing their feet is one sure-fire way to do it.

No, you're not being compassionate, no you don't fucking care about their genitals - I think we all universally agree that "our" genitals are the most important, right? Stop pretending, fuck the show. You can't make me, really and truly. Call me an asshole - actually, I kinda am - but one thing I won't do, even when you want me to, is hate. Hate is the corrosion that led us to this dismal position in the first place. Yoda taught us these principles years ago people, come on.

What I will do, however, is unapologetically ridicule the ridiculous. Go figure...

In all seriousness, we live in an era ruled by bitterness and delusion. And in such a short time - a generation and a half - from likely the least racist society that has ever been (the 90s children) to today; all because *you* won't stand up and say what we all know you likely think. The only people who actually believe any of the modern rhetoric are parrots who gave up their right to think independently long ago. As was said by a far more brilliant man (gendered speech, OMG!) than myself, "it takes someone of great intelligence to come up with ideas so colossally and utterly ***stupid***."

Don't believe for a second that just because someone has some fancy pieces of paper on a wall that they have any right - even a little - to tell you how to think. In fact, that's a sign of incompetence in my book. Real masters of any craft should be able to trivially *demonstrate* what is true and correct. If you have to force it down my throat, perhaps you're just a bit insecure about your own abilities; just maybe?

Another one to remember (thanks Batman): "you will never be ridiculed by someone doing more than you." In other words, if someone thinks less of you, who cares? It's just a sign they probably feel like you're ahead of them in some way, and they're simply trying to pull you back down. Take it as a compliment and move on.

Paper means nothing. Like I said, the brain is a muscle - doesn't matter if you were a world-class bodybuilder with all the trophies to boot, if you stop working, you start dying. Yet we live in a world where we take all our orders, *all* our opinions, spoon-fed from idiots with fancy papers, which are dutifully repeated over and over by every "influencer" and their grandma (yes, grandma has a channel now too).

You want to influence something real? Think for your damn self. I know, it's scary after all this time, but if you really give a damn about "staying safe," it's your best bet. Or don't, and sit comfortable in your delusion until the day comes that you're no longer part of the acceptable and "righteous" crowd. That day is coming - in fact, for very many it's already here.

But I digress - where we're heading now is anything but "safe." Seriously, I implore you, it may sound sarcastic (and it is a bit) but read a history book. Just pick one. All this nonsense, all this rhetoric has happened before; many times. Just pick an era at random, and I'm quite confident you'll find some form of it or another. Perhaps all this madness is inevitable, but I don't actually care...

I am one man, living my one life, and I don't want to be "told" by anyone - least of all a brainless mob so utterly afraid to think out of line that they share notes before every public statement - how to think or what to feel, or when or how to speak. Again, no thanks, I got this. I'll take responsibility for my mistakes and take credit for my own wins. I don't need your help, not at any cost, not even if I have to build everything I work on alone, completely in isolation. Where's the inclusivity for folks like me, exactly?

And the definitions of unacceptable just keep expanding, as they do and have (I'm telling you - history book). To some, it's a crime merely to exist with the wrong genitals, because that's progress somehow...

This segment could go on and on, but I'll just remind you of the header. There is great social utility in ridicule. It's powerful - it keeps people safe from these idiotic ideas that actually convince them to permanently deform themselves for the sake of approval.

But that's just the thing: Identity isn't a feeling, it's defined by your character. How you look or what cosmetic appearance you possess will do little to affect your character, and in fact, focusing on it too much will likely degrade it, seeing as it's totally irrelevant in the first place...

## Wait Why, Again?

After all this criticism and heated commentary, you might wonder why I'm back on social media at all. So yeah, this got heated in parts, but I honestly feel it is necessary at this point. Years of watching from the sidelines, trying to be "considerate," have only confirmed what I suspected - silence changes nothing.

And for what was I silent? To get ridiculed and excluded anyway because I refuse to give up my right to think to the great "Constitutional Assembly" of delusion and apathy?

"And as my first act, I appoint all my friends to the board ~of directors~ to defend ~the empire~ democracy and ~my vested-interests~ the goodwill of the community!"

And to be clear, I still think social media is a toxic, narcissistic breeding ground for idiocy and delusion, largely responsible for this record-breaking societal decline, distracting us all the while, like the great propaganda masters of television could have only dreamed. Yet I'm back here on X... why?

Maybe I just want a little attention like everyone else? You can argue that if you like, but I've been doing just fine on my own for quite some time now. If anything, the little bit of attention I've attracted so far has been an annoyance and a burden. It also feels dangerous somehow. But here I am... somewhat because of that last section - there aren't enough folks with the courage to ridicule the ridiculous, so I will, come what may (at least while it's still "legal" in my country; damn free speech...).

But it's not just that. I'm older now, and I know there are still younger folks who don't have the experience I've gained. Quite frankly, they seem to need an example of what courage looks like. No, it isn't perfect, it's not ripped to shreds with perfect abs, either. It is literally just saying what you really think - damn the consequences.

So anyway, there you go zealots, all the ammo you'll ever need to condemn me. Consider it a free gift, but know that there's plenty more where that came from.

Countries are not supposed to give in to terrorism (whatever the fuck that means), and I will not give in to precious bullies with fragile little egos. Sorry, but even if this generation is largely toasted, someone still has to set an example for the next one, however imperfectly, or things will continue to get worse. I guess this is a sentiment only parents really understand, and there are so few parents nowadays (sigh).

I digress though - I may dislike it (despise it even), but social media is the only playground anyone wants to play on. It's the only place to make any sort of stand, like it or not.

And I really want to stress this: the most important lesson I've learned from my study of history is that it can, and will *always* get worse, unless and until somebody says, "No, that's enough. I'm quite finished with your little tyranny, thank you - hang me if you must."

And so I'll end on that note. Hang me if you must... As much as I have always loved technology - I wouldn't even know what to do with myself if I didn't do what I'm doing now - I absolutely and positively *refuse* to perpetuate or feed into this nonsense, even a little bit.

If the open-source ecosystem had half the spirit of the pioneers who founded it, we would be on the front lines against such rabid propaganda. But instead, we stand quietly on the sidelines, at best asking questions that go perpetually ignored by the zealots, all the while apologizing for our intrusive thoughts.

Now, if you've made it this far, stay tuned - I've got some things coming down the pipe to try and revitalize a once-thriving world of thoughts and ideas, free from the burden of zealots and thought police. Until then, take care of yourself, and don't be afraid to use that beautiful jelly inside your skull, before you lose it!
