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edit: further clarification

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Timothy DeHerrera
2025-06-25 22:07:24 -06:00
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@@ -38,7 +38,9 @@ My children who have never been allowed to know normal in their life, but for a
Truly I don't even blame my "wife", who I have paid to divorce a full two times now, yet still paradoxically remain married, as much as I blame the system that is claimed to be there "for the best interest" of the children, but which unendingly reglects both data, and basic logic. Was it a stupid choice to stay so long? Prabably. But then again, she did also threaten me directly that I'd never see my kids again if I went through with it, more times than I can even count at this point, and followed through plenty to, as now, and right at the end of each divorce too (both times, letting it fester and money waste). It's this kind of deliberate insane maliciously psychotic demeanor that has come to be my normal; for better or worse Truly I don't even blame my "wife", who I have paid to divorce a full two times now, yet still paradoxically remain married, as much as I blame the system that is claimed to be there "for the best interest" of the children, but which unendingly reglects both data, and basic logic. Was it a stupid choice to stay so long? Prabably. But then again, she did also threaten me directly that I'd never see my kids again if I went through with it, more times than I can even count at this point, and followed through plenty to, as now, and right at the end of each divorce too (both times, letting it fester and money waste). It's this kind of deliberate insane maliciously psychotic demeanor that has come to be my normal; for better or worse
Perhaps I should have gone through with it, but also looking at the statistics of divorce, and just the general and quite apparent nature of our time, and the dynamics of family law in blue states in particular, it seems I've been imprisoned cleverly by a state that I have long since desired to leave, but which has kept me on account of its unwillingness to allow me the simple and supposedly "protected" freedom of parental authority. Perhaps it is only human, there is no such thing as sympathy or understanding for men; we don't withold our feelings out of some misguided misunderstand, but by the very nature of society itself, which is eager and willing to utterly crush any male weakness expressed, and at the first sign. And so it is I do not seek sympathy, but that I merely seek to ellicit sympathy from the reader for my children. Perhaps I should have gone through with it, but also looking at the statistics of divorce, and just the general and quite apparent nature of our time, and the dynamics of family law in blue states in particular, it seems I've been imprisoned cleverly by a state that I have long since desired to leave, now more than ever, but which has kept me on account of its unwillingness to allow me the simple and supposedly "protected" freedom of parental authority. Indeed if my one true desire is to leave this place forever, divorce, without custody, wouldn't even accomplish that anyway.
Perhaps it is only human; as it truly seems that there is no such thing as sympathy or understanding for men; we (men) don't withold our feelings out of some misguided misunderstand, but by the very nature of society itself, which is eager and willing to utterly crush any male weakness expressed, and at the first sign. And so it is I do not seek sympathy, but that I merely seek to ellicit sympathy from the reader for my children.
I can't prove to any of this. I can only tell you from my experience that I am, especially at this point, the epitome of stability, even almost to a fault. Even as I am deprived of any residence, I still pay for, and in a way I suppose, directly fund the rebellion against my parentage. I pay for a house and car that I cannot possess, while I sit here in a hall about to close, not even sure yet where I will go, but don't worry I always figure it out, and that's the point. I've wondered many times if continuing to "pay up" in this manner is the right call, but any attempt to "withold" resources in the past for the sake of applying pressure and hopefully getting access to my children has only backfired and been endlessly framed as "abuse", so here we are. It just never ceases to be almost humourously, if painfully, ironic to me that I essentially fund my own prison. I can't prove to any of this. I can only tell you from my experience that I am, especially at this point, the epitome of stability, even almost to a fault. Even as I am deprived of any residence, I still pay for, and in a way I suppose, directly fund the rebellion against my parentage. I pay for a house and car that I cannot possess, while I sit here in a hall about to close, not even sure yet where I will go, but don't worry I always figure it out, and that's the point. I've wondered many times if continuing to "pay up" in this manner is the right call, but any attempt to "withold" resources in the past for the sake of applying pressure and hopefully getting access to my children has only backfired and been endlessly framed as "abuse", so here we are. It just never ceases to be almost humourously, if painfully, ironic to me that I essentially fund my own prison.