servius/sukr
1
0
Fork 0
Code Issues Pull Requests Actions Packages Projects Releases Wiki Activity

edit: try to clarify; hopefully

Browse Source
This commit is contained in:
Timothy DeHerrera
2025-06-25 22:05:43 -06:00
parent 53a5eba1d9
commit 5cf5a4a206
1 changed files with 3 additions and 1 deletions
Download Patch File Download Diff File Expand all files Collapse all files

4
content/blog/fuck-it.md
View File

@@ -40,7 +40,9 @@ Truly I don't even blame my "wife", who I have paid to divorce a full two times
Perhaps I should have gone through with it, but also looking at the statistics of divorce, and just the general and quite apparent nature of our time, and the dynamics of family law in blue states in particular, it seems I've been imprisoned cleverly by a state that I have long since desired to leave, but which has kept me on account of its unwillingness to allow me the simple and supposedly "protected" freedom of parental authority. Perhaps it is only human, there is no such thing as sympathy or understanding for men; we don't withold our feelings out of some misguided misunderstand, but by the very nature of society itself, which is eager and willing to utterly crush any male weakness expressed, and at the first sign. And so it is I do not seek sympathy, but that I merely seek to ellicit sympathy from the reader for my children.
I can't prove to any of this. I can only tell you from my experience that I am, especially at this point, the epitomy of stability, even almost to a fault. You see, to help you understand, it is my insecurities and also even my strengths which have been weaponized against me all these years. My need to make my marriage work, my pain from a previous situation where I'd had a child revoked from me as a teenager. My desire to be upright and faithful, even to a person who had no qualms of not returning the favor and even blaming me for it. My need to "prove", mostly to myself (as it was hopeless to show the world), that I am not the problem, that I am the only one even upholding the home and trying to uphold (futily so) some justice in it.
I can't prove to any of this. I can only tell you from my experience that I am, especially at this point, the epitome of stability, even almost to a fault. Even as I am deprived of any residence, I still pay for, and in a way I suppose, directly fund the rebellion against my parentage. I pay for a house and car that I cannot possess, while I sit here in a hall about to close, not even sure yet where I will go, but don't worry I always figure it out, and that's the point. I've wondered many times if continuing to "pay up" in this manner is the right call, but any attempt to "withold" resources in the past for the sake of applying pressure and hopefully getting access to my children has only backfired and been endlessly framed as "abuse", so here we are. It just never ceases to be almost humourously, if painfully, ironic to me that I essentially fund my own prison.
You see, to at least try help you understand, it is my insecurities and also even my strengths which have been weaponized against me all these years. My need to make my marriage work, my pain from a previous situation where I'd had a child revoked from me as a teenager. My desire to be upright and faithful, even to a person who had no qualms of not returning the favor and even blaming me for it. My need to "prove", mostly to myself (as it was hopeless to show the world), that I am not the problem, that I am the only one even upholding the home and trying to uphold (futily so) some justice in it.
Absolutely I looked for a way out, each and every time, the whole time. But without fail or exception, the path was blocked and deliberately so, by an individual that I've never, even to this day, experienced having any limit or qualms with deception, violence, manipulation, threats, social triage and even lawfare.